I have eight children. Probably not enough kids to warrant a television special, but just enough to cause strangers in the grocery store to start counting the little heads trailing behind me. When I leave the house with all eight in tow, I brace myself for the onslaught of questions regarding my children’s paternity and whether or not I own a television.
We never specifically set out to be raising a large family, but there was always a nagging feeling that there was someone missing. Now that they are all here, I would never trade our busy lifestyle for any amount of peace and quiet.
People always ask how I do it. The truth is most of the time, I just do. It’s kind of like the juggler in the circus, you add each new task in succession, while trying to keep up the ones you already have. At some point it all comes crashing down in a spectacular mess. That’s when the real challenge hits, because you need to pick up and start juggling again.
1. Organization is key. I cannot tell you how many hours have been wasted due to miscommunication and a sheer lack of time management. There are days when I need to have three children in three different places at the same time. All while, I need to be helping with homework and starting dinner. There were a lot of busy nights that erupted into pure chaos. I am not proud of those nights when homework was done in the car while kids were eating convenience foods. Due to circumstances, sometimes that still happens, but at least it is planned.
In an attempt to bring some order to our crazy lives, I created a large family calendar on a magnetic dry erase board to keep track of everyone’s schedules. Everything is posted on the calendar from when the kids need to wear sneakers for gym to which child needs to bring which instrument to school. Also, thanks to Google calendar everything is on my smartphone which is also synced to my husband’s calendar and vice versa. The frantic phone calls from school asking for sneakers and saxophones has greatly lessened since the institution of our calendar. Above the calendar is a bulletin board where we tack up important information we need to keep close at hand; such as class phone numbers, school lunch schedules, and birthday party invitations.
An organized home prevents a lot of wasted time searching for keys, the dog’s leash or homework assignments that somehow made their way out of your child’s folder. Establishing a central location to keep your family essentials is a must.
2. Everyone needs to pitch in around the house. Keeping the large family household running smoothly is everyone’s responsibility. A chore chart is a great tool to utilize to teach basic household responsibilities. Chore charts teach responsibility and help encourage kids to set goals. By linking responsibilities to privileges, we can reward responsible behavior and provide consequences when our children do not follow through.Untasked children are like ninjas. Mine were experts at sensing the moment I was about to ask them to do something. By the time I turned around they had stealthily exited the room and were nowhere to be found. By holding each and everyone of them to task, it made my life much more simple. Do it now, or do it later, just get it done.
I hadn’t even hammered the last nail to hang the chart up, and they were already clamoring to do more chores. Win!
3. Menu planning and bulk shopping helps to save time. Planning meals ahead of time allows for less trips to the grocery store. Our busy schedule demands that we shop once a week, instead of making multiple trips. If you have the space, consider getting a membership to a warehouse store so that you can buy larger quantities, saving both time and money.
I try to hit a few stores on my shopping day. Through trial and error, I know which stores offer the best deals in each department. This month started off with a visit to the butcher:
- 25lbs Chicken Breast
- 25lbs Ground Beef
- 40lbs Drumsticks
When I get home everything gets portioned and packaged in storage bags. Breasts are fileted into cutlets and tenderloins. Ground beef will become tacos, hamburgers, and pasta sauce later in the month. Drumsticks are easy to throw on the BBQ or in the oven, and make great cold left-overs for lunch the next day.
Thank goodness for my chest freezer. Best purchase ever!
You’ll know who I am if you see me at the store. I’m the mom with the overflowing cart filled with 3 gallons of milk and more cereal than most families can eat in 6 months. The food will all be devoured in less than a weeks time. Who am I kidding, most of the food is gone 45 minutes after I walk in the door.
4. Keep the clutter at bay. This one has always been the hardest for me personally. I used to be that mom who saved everything. Everything times eight kids looks like a bad episode of Hoarders.
Now, I snap pictures of my favorites, save a few very special pieces, and toss the rest.
Each morning, after the kids leave for school, I like to schedule time to straighten up. The operative word there is “like.” Sometimes, I step over the dolls and cars while kicking someone’s sneakers to the side. Every night, we recruit the kids to participate in a “ten minute tidy” of the living room. You would be surprised how fast the job gets done when everyone pitches in.
5. Make time for each other. My husband and I make it a priority to carve out private time with each other. Even an at home date night is a great way to stay connected. Sometimes, it’s take out and sometimes it’s chips and salsa. Heck, I can turn grocery shopping into date night. Any time alone is valuable, so take advantage of it.
Not so long ago, a friend of mine stopped us in the CVS parking lot to comment about the fact that we were holding hands, and it looked as if, “we almost liked each other.”
6. Don’t neglect yourself. When privacy is a commodity, any time alone, can be your best reward. Know your own limits, and if you are starting to feel overwhelmed, focus on your own needs for a little bit. Run yourself ragged, or push yourself too far, and things start to fall apart in a hurry.
Spend some time each day doing something entirely for you. If you need to, get up a half hour early or stay up a half hour later each day to exercise, watch television or curl up on the couch with a cup of tea. A hot shower or an uninterrupted bubble bath can do wonders.
A large family comes with a lot of work, a lot of love, and even more joy. Whatever size your family may be, no one knows better than you what each person needs. Take it one day at a time.
“Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. Psalm 139:13-17
Well, Groves kid number 6 is on the way!
As Kym and I were praying tonight, just thanking God for blessing us again, a sense of overwhelming gratitude came over us that we’ve been chosen to parent 5 soon to be 6 little miracles, handiworks of God! Groves baby #6 might be a surprise to many (us included) but he or she definitely is not a mistake!
Check this out!
Not trying to be rude but here is our response to about 7 years of peoples comments on the size of our family…….
Yes, we know how this happens!
Yes, We will “do something to prevent it” when WE feel it’s time! (Someone actually said that horrible statement)
No we don’t have cable we have Direct TV 😉
Yes, we have a big family, we are proud of it and LOVE IT!
Yes, the comments and commentary on our life hurts at times. (even though we know for the most part it’s said in a joking manner)
Yes, we feel the pressure and uncertainty of raising six kids in this world.
Yes, we realize we will have six teenagers at one time. 😳😫
Yes, we realize that’s a lot of college students at one time (that’s why summer jobs, scholarship and student loans were invented)
No, we aren’t ashamed or even em￼arrassed of the fact we have so many kids!
No, we ain’t rich!
No, we didn’t ask your counsel when starting a family, that means we don’t need it on when to stop!
No, we are not trying to be the Duggers! (Although Kym loves that show, I’m not a fan)
Love y’all, thanks for your prayers and support as the Groves family continues to grow!
It’s no surprise that the enemy has plotted such great destruction through the evils of terrorism during this very week. Because it’s Holy Week. And you can be assured, he’s well aware of that.
The most significant celebration of the year for believers all around the world, the time for remembering Christ’s journey to the cross, the celebration of his Resurrection, and the gift of new life.
The enemy knows. And he hates it. Since the beginning of time, he’s worked and plotted his evil ways, to lure people away through tactics of fear, anger, grief, and dread. We see him at work more than ever this week, stirring up his evil, distractions, defeat. His main mission is never complete, he’s constantly on the prowl, seeking only to “steal, kill, and destroy,” all that is in his path, all that resembles godliness, and seeks to draw near to Christ.
But we have the power to choose whose voice we listen to, this week and every week. No matter what darkness and turmoil the world seems to face right now, we don’t have to let the enemy win in our lives. We can live aware, stand strong, and believe in the Power of our King. The One who holds the final victory over evil. The One who conquered death.
No matter what goes on around us, God desires that we press in close to him, so close that we can hear his heartbeat, know his voice, and feel the peace of his presence surrounding us.
Yet it’s often a struggle. Many other things, even the good things, can call us away from the most important. Sometimes in the midst of busy lives, the constant headline news, and political banter back and forth, the real significance of this week may get missed. Or we find ourselves constantly distracted, forgetting Who and what we’re even celebrating.
3 things to remember this Holy Week:
1. Live aware – Know that there will be distractions.
Life can be full of distractions on any given day, but yet this week in particular, the enemy would love nothing more than to pull us away from the most important. He is a deceiver and twister of truth, and if we’re not careful, we may step right into his plans. Here’s a few ways he may try to lure us:
– Through fear – This is one of the enemy’s most powerful weapons he uses against us. This world can be a dark place. And when terrorism and evil strike, it can shake us up, attempting to get us off course.
Be aware of the enemy’s schemes and tactics. Rise above and find steadfast security and confidence in the God who is in control. He knows our way, and we are never alone.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Is. 41:10
– Through busyness – If he can’t tempt us through fear or falling away from God, he’d be happy to just keep us busy. So busy that we forget about God. It’s easy to get caught up in the moment of it all, the busy rush of the week, activities, mad dashing, wheels spinning all directions.
Yet, God’s voice cuts through all the busy, calling us to peace.
“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things,but few things are needed–or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:41-42
– By distractions of other things – Distractions surround us in the high tech world. We’re constantly wired to electronic devices and headline news. Life swirls around us. The enemy has a myriad of ways to try to lure us away from what matters most.
God offers wisdom in keeping our priorities in order and staying focused on the most important.
“Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.” Col. 3:2
– Creating disunity among one another – He’s done it since the beginning of time, stirring up trouble, causing hurt feelings, creating division. Don’t fall for it. Be alert and walk wisely.
Stand strong in your love for Christ and one another. Let the love of Christ richly dwell within you. He calls us to do all we can to walk in unity and love.
“And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” Eph. 5:2
– Overly focusing on oneself – If he can’t divide us in relationships, he’ll taunt us with our own problems. He loves us to focus on the negative and sink right down into his deep pit. He’ll remind us of our troubles. He’ll whisper lies and bring up our past. He’ll drag us down, and leave us defeated.
But here’s the good news – we have the power of Christ dwelling within us. We don’t have to listen or give way to his defeat, he holds no power over us. God has set us free, his truth is the one we can trust. He reminds us that he covers our past, he’s with us in the present, and he holds our future in his hands.
“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Rom. 8:1
– Through temptations – Satan’s traps are always before us, he knows our weaknesses and would love nothing more than to see us stumble and fall. You can be sure he’s working overtime, especially during this Holy Week, for he’s directly opposed to Truth, forgiveness, and redemption found through Christ.
Stay aware, walk with His wisdom. God will never allow us to be tempted beyond what we are able to endure. He will faithfully guide us in all of his ways if we’re listening to his voice.
“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” 1 Cor. 10:13
2. Stand Strong – Determine to focus on what’s most important.
In the midst of all we face this week, there remains the amazing story of Christ, who never changes. Without him, we have nothing. He is what it’s all about. And though we may know this in our heads, how we live through our week might tell a different story. It’s a choice each day, to focus in, on the true meaning.
- By opening up his Word, reading, meditating, especially about the story of Christ’s journey towards the cross and the Resurrection. All 4 Gospels give an account. Dig deep, ask questions, seek to learn all he has to say to your heart.
- By spending moments with him in prayer.
- By taking time to be quiet and still before him, just listening for his voice.
- By reflecting, remembering, thanking him for his gift of sacrifice made on our behalf.
- By praising God for the power of the Resurrection of Christ, for the promise of new life.
- By celebrating together with other believers.
“He must increase but I must decrease.” John 3:30
“…that I may know him and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of his sufferings, being conformed to his death…” Phil. 3:10
3. Remember the Power of Redemption – He gives us beauty for ashes.
Those ashes that marked the foreheads of millions of believers on Ash Wednesdayheld a reminder for us. We are but dust. Gen. 3:19
Yet his story reminds us of more – we are redeemed. We have been given new life, an open door, through Jesus Christ.
The ashes are a clear picture of the frailty of human existence. And though many times we may somehow think we’re invincible in this life, or even led to believe that we are not “needy” of a Savior, when hit with life’s struggles or face to face with painful events, we quickly remember, we need help. We need a Savior.
We have One, who also was broken, in ways we could never fully comprehend, yet he remained strong, and chose to endure it all – for us.
He extends grace to remind us we don’t have to stay stuck in our struggle and pain. He holds good in store through it all, able to bring greater purpose, greater beauty, greater strength. He never intends for us to remain in the pit of our despair. For he breathes fresh life.
God brought beauty out of the brokenness of the cross, he gives beauty for our ashes. His sacrifice offers forgiveness for our sin. The power of the Resurrection gives hope for our future.
He will…“provide for those who grieve in Zion– to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair…” Is. 61:3
There’s such power there.
Grace. Love. Freedom. The focus of this Holy Week. May God help us to live aware and stand strong in Him…
“Behold, I am making all things new…” Rev. 21:5
“Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!” 2 Cor. 9:15
By: Crisman Koechig
Recently, I read a quote that stopped me dead in my tracks. The quote said this:
Too often we ask God to glorify His name with ours.
After reading it, I went back and read it again, and again. I could not stop thinking about that quote. Then I read Psalm 115:1 which says, “Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to Your name goes ALL the glory for your unfailing love and faithfulness.”
Then I began thinking of all the times in my life where I was guilty of asking God to glorify His name with mine. I thought of the times when I have been teaching a group of teenagers about the truths of God’s word and I want them to tell me they liked my teaching. I thought of when I put together a worship service and I nearly expected people to compliment my creativity. I thought of when I’ve desired to go on mission trips to 3rd world countries and make a difference, when deep down inside what I really wanted was for people back home to comment on my “boldness” and “willingness” to follow God. The list could go on and on. Sadly, I began to realize how often I’ve attempted to stick my name in the limelight. I realize that doing that casts a shadow on God’s glory.
Now, I have a feeling that I am not the only one that struggles with this. One of the reasons is because our culture is full of opportunities to capture some glory…
Sports companies like Nike, Reebok, and others are willing to pay professional athletes ridiculous amounts of money to promote their line of shoes, clothing, etc. In music/media we spend money on iTunes and other similar downloading programs which give a portion of the money to the writing artist and keep a portion for themselves. Our culture is obsessed with sharing dividends, or for lack of better terms-glory. Now, I want to clarify: I am not trying to criticize our culture’s way of promoting products for business. What I am saying is, that’s not the way that God works.
God clearly deserves ALL the glory in our lives. It is HE who has the power to save us not the other way around! But, instead of giving God all the glory, we have been mentally programmed to try and take some ourselves. The Church is not exempt, in fact, we must be very aware of this temptation because this mentality could easily rise up within the Church. When the people of God attempt to steal God’s glory it points others in the opposite direction of God.
Is this something you’ve struggled with? Unfortunately, I have. What areas of your life do you need to re-evaluate to make sure that God is getting ALL, not just some of the glory?
Most pastors are nice people, they just don’t make good friends.
That may seem harsh to say, but as a pastor, I think it is true.
Hear me out.
Pastoral ministry is an all encompassing job. It is highly relational, emotional, mental and spiritual. It can be draining physically and overwhelming. It isn’t harder than other jobs, it is just different.
Because you can get a call at any moment with something that needs attention, many pastors burnout and struggle to have boundaries so they can rest and recharge.
Pastors spend so much time counseling people, helping people work through issues or sitting in meetings that when they meet someone, they often see them as a project instead of a person. They see them as someone who will need something, someone who will need advice or need to be fixed instead of a person to simply spend time with.
For most pastors, church is something they are always thinking about. The next capital campaign, new ministry year, next sermon series, next issue, hiring a new person. It never stops. They spend all their time with people talking about church. They sit with their wife on date night and talk about church. It is not just a job, it is their life. It is who they are and this becomes unhealthy.
Then, they meet someone new and they can’t stop talking about church. They can’t shut it off.
What do you do then? How can you become a better friend if you are a pastor? Here are 5 ideas:
- Have friends who don’t attend church (or your church). This is crucial. If you don’t have any friends who don’t attend church, that’s a great clue that you aren’t good at friendships. Churched people will tolerate a pastor who don’t stop talking about church or is a poor friend because they want to be close to a pastor. An unchurched person won’t take that.
- Have a no church talk zone. There should be a time of day, a day each week where you stop talking about church stuff. Stop thinking about, stop checking your email. Don’t talk about it at least once a week. For many pastors this will be so hard to do, but incredibly healthy.
- Take a day off. If you aren’t taking your day off as a pastor, you are sinning. I’m blown away by how many pastors are killing themselves working 6 or 7 days a week. Stop it. Rest, recharge, take some down time.
- Get in a small group. I’m blown away by how many pastors are not in a small group or missional community at their church. They’ll often say that the elders are their small group. This line of thinking attempts to make a pastor untouchable and that’s a sin. In a small group, people see who you are, you can’t hide any longer. You start to see how people see you and if you are any good at community. This might feel like it goes against #1 but it doesn’t because many pastors don’t have friends in their church. Now, you need to be careful here. You don’t just share everything with someone in your church, you must show discretion on the information and with the person. There have been times Katie and I have shared everything about a situation with our MC, and sometimes not. Each situation is different, but you should be in community with some people in your church who are not in leadership.
- Get a hobby. I was talking with some pastors the other day I am coaching out of burnout and I asked them, “What do you do for fun? What recharges you? What is fun?” Blank stares. Many pastors do not have a hobby. Things like fixing a car, working with wood, hiking, playing sports, knitting or cooking. Nothing. If that’s you, sit down and answer that question, what do I find fun? If you don’t have a hobby, you won’t have anything that lets off steam, anything that is fun, anything to do with others.